Attack on the Eastern Front

The dark forces of Oleanderous have been increasing, and so we began a counter-assault on the stalking-shrubbery. At first our efforts were only to staunch the flow of greenery, but now decisive prunery-measures have been taken with the force of Lopers. Much leafy-ness has been laid low.
IMG_0841x750Further advances high upon the embankment have been made against The Second Battalion of Oleanderous, that lay hidden behind the first. The site of slaughter is covered in fallen stalks, crying out for bagging.
Meanwhile, on a armed and covert scouting mission, I came upon Saaleman-of-Stihl at the Tru-Valu pub. I am intrigued by the potential new weaponry for this Fighting Division. Combi-toools of horrendous apportment and agility, extensible Wands of Power, powered-up Hedgery!
I am reclining with a malty-mountain beverage of banquet proportions, perusing the catalog of Stihl weaponry… Such a wishbook!

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About NotClauswitz

The semi-sprawling adventures of a culturally hegemonic former flat-lander and anti-idiotarian individualist, fleeing the toxic cultural smug emitted by self-satisfied lotus-eating low-land Tesla-driving floppy-hat wearing lizadroid-Leftbat Califorganic eco-tofuistas ~

10 thoughts on “Attack on the Eastern Front

  1. I would so pull out the damn oleanders. They function well for freeway medians, but that is it. There are so many other choices for screening plants that take less effort, and are not poisonous.

    Stihl is the way to go, my tool guy (I don’t know what else to call him, but somehow that doesn’t sound right) says they are the best!

  2. “Be Stihl, my heart”?

    Nah, I’m a Husqy fan, too. My neighbor used his with the tiller attachment to prepare a flower bed here, and it was absolute magic in action. I’ll end up buying the whole kit, no doubt.

    As to the *#&@ Oleanders. National Blight of Galveston. The main street here is “Broadway”, which is the southernmost terminus of Interestate 45, after it drops off of the causeway and onto the island….it becomes just another six-lane street, with a fourteen ft. wide greenbelt-median down the middle.

    Landscaped with Oak trees and….. you guessed it. Oleanders. Fact is, the olde ladies on the island even have an “Oleander Society”, dedicated to the ones in said median, for “beautification”. Of course, they grow so dense, you cannot see oncoming traffic when trying to make a left from Broadway to a side-street, from either direction.

    I would take those old ladies, and burn them upon a pyre of the dried carcasses of the evil plants that they promote, venerate and protect. They deserve it. Besides, they’re certainly heavier than a duck, too.

    Ima sip a bourbon now, to calm down and relish the vision of that brightly burning bonfire of busybodies. Even if comforts nothing more than my imagination.

    Oh, and I’ll stay well upwind of it, of course. But I’ll tell all my liberal neighbors how good the smoke smells, downwind. *evil grin*

    Jim
    Sunk New Dawn
    Galveston, TX

    • Early reports (very early) are of a body of folk who used Oleanders branches as skewers for their cook-out, all died. I’ll join you in a sip to mutual hatred of a Highway Department, Cal-Trans shrubbery, but it will never die, it’s too useful and grows easy (invasive) and even the Sierra Club and other (or especially) regional groups won’t go against oleanders.
      They would rather dump necessary water to preserve a useless bait-fish.
      I was once tasked (by friends) to cut-down bushes at their home. The oleander hedge ran the entire length of the 40-foot driveway, some 16-fet tall, an I asked how-much of the stuff I should cut back. SHE said NONE! OK…
      Later in their bathroom I noticed a bottle of perfume: “White Oleander.” Meh. My nose isn’t bad, and I could attest in court that there is absolutely no similar scent relationship to the plant itself.
      ONLY good thing I have to say about THAT CRAP PLANT, is that ONCE, IN THE RAIN, a 16-yr. old girl-nitwit driving an expensive family sedanb, ZOOMED out in front of me (in an old Toyota pick-up truck), crossing three lanes of traffic on a trajectory to absolutely NAIL me… So I hit the brakes to avoid her, and spun off into a stand of railroad-side OLEANDERS – it swept me up-into them, and didn’t damage the old truck. She looked confused and just drove off.
      More, “Tales of Olde Palo Alto”…

  3. Oleander is Evile(tm). I thought I was finally rid of the stuff by moving to Minnesota, but some people here actually sell the thing as a houseplant. (Comment found in a U. of Minn article about toxic plants in reference to oleander: “Signs and effects of toxicosis: Animals may be found dead.”)

    I recommend napalm, but it does have the occasional drawback.

    • My brother was visiting yesterday and claimed that as a child I ate some oleander and, “He thought I was gonna die”…! I ate a lot of stupid stiff as a kid including mud (one bite and you realize it has way too much “tooth”), tar from the roof (kinda like gum!), and…things that prepared me for a life overseas eating disgusting food, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t chow-down on any Oleander. Might have been Pittosporum though…

  4. to us foreigners those oleanders look pretty exotic. by coincidence I’ve been looking at husqvarna multi tools and wondering why I bought single tools in the past.

    • Are the multi-use tools a recent development? Now I’m goign to have to compare Stihl and Husky prices!
      I think of Oleanders as a Highway-Department plant, and they are poisonous so that’s pretty exotic!

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