I hate Hippie Spiders

I realize that in Nature (red in tooth and claw), all things find their balance and there is a hierarchy of who eats what and who is eaten by whom. The previous owners had a relaxed and laissez-faire attitude towards much of the outdoors and its’ creepy and feathery inhabitants. Too bad they adopted the Hippie, spider-friendly ethic – or maybe they were overwhelmed by the volume indicated. Maybe they didn’t recognize the terminal threat to their own children that existed with the “peaceful co-existence” and co-habitation with Spiders.
Out there in the thick prairie, in the Moeibus Loop of Life, there are mites feeding off bugs feeding off katydids feeding off…our eventually decaying corpses. And it happens whether we are shipped to a burning Ghat or a more efficient crematorium, or (especially) just wrapped in a cloth and laid six-feet under.

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,
The worms play pinochle on your scalp,
They eat your eyes, they eat your nose,
They eat the jelly between your toes.
A big green worm with rolling eyes
Crawls in your stomach and out your sides.

But in my admittedly vastly negative experience, there is no place in a HOME where I LIVE for an infestation of any kind of spiders. My extreme prejudiced for spiders is based n experience, and is akin to how I would respond to a thief creeping around in the house in the dark at night with a .357 magnum – with extreme prejudice.
Spiders are not the benign victims of anti-spider Media-frenzy, illegal-spider immigration, or a raaacist anti-Spiderphobia. Spiders in the wild are like rattlesnakes in the wild. You do with them as you please, and I’ll do with them as I please – Bang!
In this ranch-house on the primeval-vegetal Prairie, I have notice a few here and there, and some also inside. I’ve sprayed the house perimeter with the stuff that comes in a white jug from Homie-Despot or Costloco.
I have sprayed the thick nests and webs in the garage – and removed them physically. I chased a big fat hairy one from those nests as it darted quickly back and forth and tried to dodge the insatiable sucking maw of the ShopVac. And I missed. I stepped on one outside and saw a dozen teeny-tiny ones run in every direction. I think the host (Mom) was dead and they were feeding on/off it.
This may become a frequent war-effort, as I will NOT be bitten by a Brown Recluse again.
And tonight I was cleaning-up crumbs under the corner-cabinetry toe-kick, down on the3 floor by the sink, when the back of my hairy hand brushed a thick cobweb. So I proceeded to spray inside. The result will be as with a thief in the night, like the game of Clue – Mr. Spider/Thief was “stopped” in the Kitchen, by Mr. Sig Nitron-P220, in .45 – with the laser and hollow-points.
But I fear this is not yet game over.

About NotClauswitz

The semi-sprawling adventures of a culturally hegemonic former flat-lander and anti-idiotarian individualist, fleeing the toxic cultural smug emitted by self-satisfied lotus-eating low-land Tesla-driving floppy-hat wearing lizadroid-Leftbat Califorganic eco-tofuistas ~

7 thoughts on “I hate Hippie Spiders

    • Thank-you Jon! I’ve heard of that (carrying young around) and I think you’re right! That’s what I’ve been seeing anyhow, and they’re fast movers.
      The brown recluse or violin spider bite I received left a 1/4″ sized dead hole in my shin (necrosis) and then my whole leg swelled-up until my ankle-bones were un-noticable beneath the swelling… It took several months to heal.
      I’m not going back to that old lady’s Pension in Barcelona ever again!


  1. Boy, can I relate.

    My personal Bugaboo is ants, having tangled with a group of fireants once. My wife was more live and let live with ants until she annoyed a nest of the large red variety that we have here, and got 7 or 8 bites in a couple of seconds in weird places. Those bites took two weeks to heal, and she has now exited her previous Swiss inclinations and joined the Allies in this all out effort. Spiders are number two on my list, tied with wasps and hornets.

    We combat the wasps and hornets with multiple hummingbird feeders which we stock with fresh sugar-water daily. I read some hippy dippy magazine years ago that suggested this as an environmentally friendly way to control them. Apparently hummingbirds eat more than sugar, they devastate the wasp and Hornet larvae. So far it’s been a resounding success.

    As for spiders and ants, the order of the day is unrestricted land, sea, and air warfare on all fronts. I have made up my own ant potions and remedies, & I go through the stuff in the white jug at the rate of one or two jugs per year, applied judiciously.

    I’m with you.


    • We have (big) red-ants that bite a bit but but no (small) fire-ants that sting – I’m not sure the difference except size and pain. Overseas as a kid there were both, and the big ones were as stingy as the little ones. My wife swells-up from plain old mosquito bites, and her blond hair seems to attract yellow-jackets and bees…


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