One-Minute Opera, No-Shit Stories

(To the tune of Tim McGraw’s “Indian Outlaw”)

A raggedy man-woman shuffling approaches the mic, lights dim, music starts:

It was back in the 70’s
Way out in the desert, see –
When a bright light came over me,
I had an alien autopsy.

(chorus)
They turned on the tractor-beam,
They took me up in the ship,
It was such a trip,
I remem-ber everything.

They used the mind-control,
I told them everything I know.
They gave me the anal probe,
And I forget the rest.

(bridge)
Now here I am in Vegas,
Begging change from strangers,
Because these memories
Won’t leave me alone.

(coda)
Cuz way back in the 70’s,
Out in the desert, see –
‘Had a light come over me,
I had an alien autopsy…

lights dim, spot fades.

Copyright © 2015 Cheesey-Jalapeno Tamale Productions

Just in case you need an ear-worm here’s the 1994 droopy-moustachioed version – he’s since updated his look quite a bit but for some reason is Pro-Obama?   This song alone should scuttle his political ambitions. Weird cat, son of baseball famer Tug McGraw…

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About NotClauswitz

The semi-sprawling adventures of a culturally hegemonic former flat-lander and anti-idiotarian individualist, fleeing the toxic cultural smug emitted by self-satisfied lotus-eating low-land Tesla-driving floppy-hat wearing lizadroid-Leftbat Califorganic eco-tofuistas ~

6 thoughts on “One-Minute Opera, No-Shit Stories

  1. IIRC, that song is what put him on the map as a performer. Lousy song, hate to hear it played. I’ve been a country music listener since the early 90’s, and that is one, of a handful, that causes me to change the channel.

    It’s become evident from observation that high talent people, and those of higher IQ, both tend to also have lots of mental and physical baggage. Sort of a package deal. Any close look at Hollywood actors, and the music world, shows that the percentage of just regular people are a minority in both fields. A SMALL minority.

    • We’re newcomers to Country Music, but I’ve enjoyed the listening and the humor over the past two years. I liked bluegrass and Hank Williams and Johnny Cash since I was a kid, and mid-70’s Jerry Jeff Walker – but I didn’t grow up that way and have no Conway Twitty background and never watched Grand Ol’ Oprey on TV as a kid. The really “twangy” vocal-stuff always made me wonder where the Yodeling came from. Austria I guess. As much as they say they’re “Scotch-Irish” there’s a few more Germanic tribes under that big tent.

  2. How racially insensitive.

    But hey, even more important than the horrible mustache is that huge hat. Where do you get hats that big? I’ve never seen a cowboy hat for sale that large.

    • I once had a mustache a bit like that, but I have about three inches height on him. He’s my dad’s height, in heels. IMO they guy’s a talented ADD child of a big-time Type-A personality, which usually results/needs a lot of compensation to overcome deficits real or imagined.

      But what about my great awesome song? Woke me up in the middle of the night. The raggedy character represents someone not well versed in standard English, thus “autopsy,” shades of Marin County’s own public-school Steve Miller’s “pompetence” of love – like a jailhouse-inmate lawyer using words to effect rather than to the point.

  3. At this point, saying someone is “pro-Obama” is basically akin to saying pro-fascist. I have a hard time believing that anyone who pays the slightest attention cannot know, somewhere down deep, that we are on the fast-track to tyranny. The most likely explanation would seem to be that is what they want, and if that’s so, then they’ve been lying to us about what they stand for, for a long time.

    • He’s a dick, and his daddy was a bigger one – and briefly a Marine reserve-something, to avoid actually going to Vietnam.
      Kid just played a concert to benefit Sandy Hook, so he’s also anti-gun.
      Establishment types need their validation from the Establishment whether Rinos or Leftoids.

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