Stuck on Stoopid

Somehow I have always been completely unable to do something (like hold a job, or work, or…anything) for money alone. I absolutely will drown like a startled turkey looking-up in the rain, unless I have a mental engagement that activates my creative-side. My commercial wiring is defective. That does explain the years of working in Theater for about $1.25/hour. Or else the paint fumes and exposure to analine dyes. Seriously. And it explains the years working as a temp just doing engineering block-diagrams – at least it was marginally creative, while also exploitative.
I can’t run numbers in my head (and out my mouth) the way some people do. Numbers don’t add-up to me. What color are they? So likewise I couldn’t get my sh*t together and go and sell cars like my buddy Baxter when I was unemployed, because I simply didn’t understand at a fundamental level HOW to do that. He did, he could – besides he sells lasers/medical/dental equipment. He can SELL stuff.
I hear someone going off with money-numbers and shit and my brain begins a fandango. Like I hear the clerk/salesman begin, “You raelly need to buy the extended warranty because seven percent of two-fifty will GRAY ANODIZED CARBON-FIBER net you back an aggregate YELLOW-ORANGE return over a PAISLEY BROWN-BEAR percentage of CABBAGE and COLESLAW when you invest RHUBARB with PURPLE RAIN SLICKER and a RED WHEELBARROW thirty-percent OF MY BUTT ITCHES. Be sure THE SUN COMES UP LIKE THUNDER OUT OF CHINA ‘CROST THE BAY…” Really. My head for figures is spastic, and the financial reward everybody else knows how to achieve – I’m just stupid. Excuse me I have to go make something out of clay now, or find some crayons to eat.
I am good at offering-up FREE stuff that gets ignored because nobody wants it anyhow. Sorta how my career tanked. I guess I could have worked the retail grind for a paycheck and shot most of that on gas while commuting at horribly odd hours. And then I would never have been able to do the kitchen renovation and design work because my mind would have been as empty, flat, and hot as an iron. I know that’s how most people get-by and I don’t mean to belittle anybody, but typically even then, when I write-down my skills and resume-stuff for a “Big” employer on an application, I get pushed to a back-burner and they hire a younger person anyhow, someone they can train. I would starve in a candy store because I don’t like candy.
So we cancelled the house that needed a roof and too many other stupid things – and cancelled on the dumbass people who misrepresented and were not forthcoming. Our (my) hearts were not in it, and *I* was gonna have to live there after all – but not after I was reminded what a corrosive and Fascist little enclave a HOA becomes, and THAT was one of the horrible things of the decrepit BayAryans that we had just escaped.
No dirtbikes? No guns or shootin’ I bet either. I’m not getting on the HOA Board AGAIN just to fight that nonsense and the drooling low-forehead people who perpetuate it.
Other opportunities will arise, and we will find a place for the Klipsch speakers to rock again. Or I will starve.

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About NotClauswitz

The semi-sprawling adventures of a culturally hegemonic former flat-lander and anti-idiotarian individualist, fleeing the toxic cultural smug emitted by self-satisfied lotus-eating low-land Tesla-driving floppy-hat wearing lizadroid-Leftbat Califorganic eco-tofuistas ~

15 thoughts on “Stuck on Stoopid

  1. Actually, since you are so good at making houses look inviting, you might consider looking into bootstrapping multiple houses. Could you buy one, fix it, rent it, get a mortgage on it, and start another one? I know someone who did this, but don’t know the details of the process. He makes enough extra from each house that he doesn’t really work anymore. At some point, he just started buying new houses to rent. At this point in the economy, I wouldn’t buy new anymore, but fixer-uppers may still be ok. Would certainly keep you out of her hair!

  2. I’d say to look for a house that has a garage or shed or barn, or space to build a shop. That could keep you out of the wife’s hair, while you play with things that might make you some side money. (metal and/or wood work? You know, creative space!) That way you could rent out the first place.

  3. Only thirty percent of your butt itches? Sounds like you’re ahead of the game.

    A lot of financial whiz-bangery talk turns my brain off too. Keep it simple.

  4. Sounds like you were better off without the Hippie Shack (TM) from hell. Don’t worry about it; the right thing will come along.
    It’s actually good that you got the experience; it helps to tune the senses for the next go-around. But I think that’s what you were saying earlier, in your “Value of Failure” post….

    • It would be a long drive to the shootin’ range – but they all are unless you own enough land to shoot on your own property, and then for sure as hell you can ride on it. We already once lived in the Hippie Shack (TM) from hell!! In Menlo Park where Jerry Garcia had been a previous tenant. Obvious signs of recreational hallucinogenic use remained behind…

  5. Man, I hope I didn’t make any sort of turn for you on the decision by commenting…I’ve seen what you’ve done here and there and your work always looks top notch.

    Good luck with the presumable search for another location.

  6. My buddies HOA had a rule that you couldn’t have an oil derrick in your back yard. In Whatcom County Washington, like that was going to ever be an issue.

    They neglected to mention trebuchets, so since his house overlooked about a mile of fields I spent five years trying to convince him that we needed to build a trebuchet in his back yard. I never did convince him and now he has moved into a neighborhood where there is no backyard, no fields, and definitely no trebuchets.

    One of the great failures of my life.

    • Trebuchet’s are good! This house here doesn’t have an HOA, but we do have “localized” CC&R’s that say, no running a convenience store out of the house, not storage of gasoline or flammables (like 1,000-gal bucket-type storage), and a few other odd no-do things.

  7. You need to give yourself a break. And a little credit. You got to retirement and you are a cash-buyer for a house. You are head and shoulders above all those people who were so “smart” with their money that they invested in pets.com (and lost everything) or bought a house they couldn’t afford when they were 60 on a 30-year mortgage. And so now can’t hope to retire unless they walk away from their equity. (Though maybe in CA the real estate market is going crazy again, and no one is upside-down.)

    If you just can’t find a house in your locale, then I want to make a suggestion. I know it is sacrilege in California, but maybe you should consider somewhere else. A place where you don’t have to pay through the nose for a shack next to the railroad tracks. East Tennessee is beautiful in the Spring. Waco, Texas has some pretty nice housing stock, for a lot less than you will pay in California. I’m not sure what area you are in, but there are parts of California – like the Bay Area – that can make most of the eastern seaboard look like a bargain. There are a lot of nice places to choose from.

    And a word on HOAs. There are – in this part of the country anyway – usually a list of covenants placed on the property when the HOA is formed. Actually locating them is a problem, but they are in the public record. Placed on the deed when the HOA bought the land from the retired farmer. Around here they include things like no animals, even on 5 acres. There doesn’t have to be an active group. The next busybody to move in next door to you can start suing to enforce them. They are at the recorders office if nothing else.

    • Thank-you for that! I didn’t know where to go to look for the CC&R’s. I should have known, I was the VP of our own HOA before. We are up in the hills on the way to Tahoe in “Gold Country.” We’re just looking for a place to buy that will appreciate at a better rate than banks are currently offering – and to avoid The Market volatility – in addition to our current home. Also where I can spend time living and doing the fix-it stuff a house constantly requires – my dear wife has need of some space of her own.
      I don’t know anybody in TN (or really anywhere else), and my aging parents might need a hand soon, so we stay here – but ALSO we are literally captive to my wife’s Health Plan and coverage that is dependent on being in CA. Free for her, 80% for me. It’s not portable. Regulatory Capture is the term.

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