Free Money!! Compromised Identity

So I go to the mail-box around noon and besides the ridiculous pile of overblown campaign posters jammed in there (which just makes me glad to vote A’F*GAINST them) was a sweet little letter (two actually) with a couple of credit cards! Ok, so I’ve never heard of the girl whose name was on one (or the Bank that issued the cards), but the other card had a name that was ME!
And it was good for $12-grand-plus!! Woot! Free Money!!! The other was the prospectus of goodies and how I could benefit.
Obama I lurve you man! Soon I’ll have a Obamaphone too and my gas will be paid-for by Governmet Luv…
Sheesh. Shit.
Call the company I never heard of to cancel the fraud-cards.
Call their Fraud/ID Theft hotline and talk to a nice guy in Cour d’Alene to commence the Investigatory Activity.
Call my own bank to get them on the alert.
Call the Experian and the Equifax monkeys to place alerts and holds – Trans-Union is functionally totally out to lunch, both on the phone and on the web – but the others cross-reference.
Call the local Cops and make a date with my favorite beat-officer (they always park around the corner, down the street) about the mysterious Miss X… For all I know she could be being spoofed too and this is a web-based hit.
What a bitch, smack her up – but the name they chose is androgyne, like Pat, or Jean/Gene – so it could roll either way. Carroll Shelby was an automotive/mechanical genius, Sandy Koufax could pitch the dress off you, and Stacy Keach could drink you under the table without blinking an eye. Who’s Rufus now? Goddammit I hate this bastard now.
Change a bunch of passwords…
F*ing-a I HATE these bastages now, really – and here it is late now and I have to make dinner – where did the time go?


About NotClauswitz

The semi-sprawling adventures of a culturally hegemonic former flat-lander and anti-idiotarian individualist, fleeing the toxic cultural smug emitted by self-satisfied lotus-eating low-land Tesla-driving floppy-hat wearing lizadroid-Leftbat Califorganic eco-tofuistas ~

3 thoughts on “Free Money!! Compromised Identity

  1. Thanks Brigid, we seemed to have foiled a nefarious plot, and the fraud-alert squad at Home Depot caught another attempt. Freezing the credit is OK, we don’t have any immediate needs or plans, and it simplifies a lot of things.

  2. It’s a lot of work. Sorry you had to go through that. My stepmom, with Alzheimers was giving out their credit card numbers and social to anyone that called. She couldn’t recognize any of us kids but she could rattle off the VISA number. It took me the better part of a year after both their identies were stolen to clean up that mess.

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