Whatever Would the Neighbors Think?

Over at The Silicon Graybeard he raises the topic of the increasing likelihood of warp-drive, WOOT!!

Buried in the news flood from last week was an intriguing story about the real scientific research being carried out on warp drive.  Warp drive, the ability to exceed the speed of light in travel by bending the fabric of space time around a space ship, is a staple of science fiction.   Interstellar travel is made difficult by a simple fact.  As Douglas Adams so aptly described it:

“Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.”


Last week, Harold “Sonny” White of NASA’s Johnson Space Center announced that by reconsidering the geometry of the ring around the football-shaped spacecraft (shown here, poetically, with football laces) they can bring the energy down to much more achievable levels. But recently White calculated what would happen if the shape of the ring encircling the spacecraft was adjusted into more of a rounded doughnut, as opposed to a flat ring. He found in that case, the warp drive could be powered by a mass about the size of a spacecraft like the Voyager 1 probe NASA launched in 1977.

According to Star Trek canon, the first human powered warp drive flight was/will be conducted in 2063 by Zefram Cochran. According to the film “First Contact”, Cochran was born in 2013.

2063? You know, it just might work out to be pretty close to 2063. The movie also implies that warp drive would have been invented sooner if not for the effects of World War III.


So what happens in comments? Fluttery-fingers and first supposition (and nearly a suppository) is tears on the pillow, “Gosh, where are the Aliens already?” (It’s like sooo late and I’ve been waiting here sooo long on 4-Mile Road…)
And then, “Why haven’t they come to visit?” (They did and they left you a Twenty on the night-stand, lady.)
And finally, “OMG! What would the Aliens think of us??” OMG! OMG! Facebook status!

Who the hell cares?  That’s like worrying about what France thinks of us.  Our job isn’t to be the Alien’s intellectual booty-call, nor to bow-down to them (we’ve recently seen the results of how well that dumbassery works when President Par-3 does it.)
Noooo, our job is to sell the fancy-kilt Aliens spazzes stuff!

  1. A loaded Asteroid with downtown parking!
  2. Some Alien-Oxy-Meth to rub on their tentacles!
  3. A jar of pure, unleaded, SOAP!

I don’t care.
Maybe we ARE considered by the Über-Galectillectual and Fancy-Alienrati as the Jerry-Springer-on-Alpha-Centauri of the Galaxy: a bunch of nasty choppers parked 20-deep outside a run-down Inter-stellar roadhouse with a meth-lab inside and a bunch of gnarly ex-child TV-stars workin’ the room, showing their tits – with hookers! (Don’t Aliens like hookers??)
So what? What is the ammonia-breathing dripping-squirting plasmazoidal alien fungus word for, “dignified”??
I bet OUR highway choppers are f*%ng badass rides – and we’re gonna sell some shit to the Alien daughters and make a f*ing inter-stellar ton of f*ing money.
What if the [valley-girly:] “Super-Super-Intelligent-Aliens” [/voice] are a bunch of blinker-minded, snot-chewing dullards – a hive-mind of robotic-insectoid plasma-goo Liberals all bent on thinking alike and sucking each others thumbs – then MAYBE they actually NEED us out there with some intoxicating concepts to sell. Maybe it’s our job to distribute and propagate like Johnny Appleseed the wild thought-experiments of Freedom! and Liberty! Think positive and let’s go kick/sell some alien-ass!
Sheesh, the worst that could happen is they ARE the French… Besides we’ll probably have to kill a few of ’em.


About NotClauswitz

The semi-sprawling adventures of a culturally hegemonic former flat-lander and anti-idiotarian individualist, fleeing the toxic cultural smug emitted by self-satisfied lotus-eating low-land Tesla-driving floppy-hat wearing lizadroid-Leftbat Califorganic eco-tofuistas ~

4 thoughts on “Whatever Would the Neighbors Think?

  1. Pingback: hellinahandbasket.net » Blog Archive » Alien Wisdom

  2. LOL, who ‘knows’ what is out there, and how well the equipment will work (if it works at all)… 🙂 We already ‘know’ there is just a ‘bit’ of control problems with high mach control…

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