Climate Hootenanny Redux

With thanks to “geoffchambers” in comments at Bishop Hill Blog regarding the tyrrany of Greenthinking in the post Milibandias,

(with apologies to WS Gilbert:)

I am the very model of a modern climatologist
I’m partly statistian, partly palaeo-phrenologist
I’ve temperature readings from thermometers coniferous
my data are the same (or not, well, maybe) as Keith Briffa has
I bought them from a bloke who brought them hotfoot from Siberia
and mixed them with some algae from the mud in Lake Superior.
When counting different isotopes I’m really in my element
and sucking up to journalists from Guardian Environment
I know what makes the treerings from Siberia to the Rockies tick
And I can make spaghetti and transform it to a hockeystick.
My data’s got dark matter that would shatter a cosmologist
I am the very model of a modern climatologist.

Brilliant!
And what started it: Reader Dreadnought has been moved to poetry:

I met a traveller from a distant shire
Who said: A vast and pointless shaft of steel
Stands on a hill top… Near it, in the mire,
Half sunk, a shattered turbine lies, whose wheels
And riven blades and snarls of coloured wire
Tell that its owners well their mission read
Which did not last nor, nowhere to be seen,
The hand that paid them and the empty head.
And scrawled around the base these lines are clear:
‘My name is Millibandias, greenest Green.
Look on my works, ye doubters, and despair!’
Nothing beside remains. Round this display
Of reckless cost and loss, blotless and fair,
The green and pleasant landscape rolls away.

There’s hope for Blighty yet.

IPSC Sock Puppets Profiteers

From .:DANEgerus we get a listing of the Global Hoaxing “hedge”-fund profiteers. Interstingly enough (or not surprisingly, or sadly enough) Governments that have signed-on to the IPCC Kyoto scam have opened the floodgates to various tidy Lefty investment strategies and profits to be reaped (or is that raped), from taxpayers who are left with no recourse and very likely future criminal penalties for individual noncompliance.
Don’t be too surprised, some of the richest people in the world are Communists and they didn’t get that way by the sweat of their OWN brow…

* Richard Tipper of the Edinburgh Centre for Carbon Management (ECCM), a consulting company deriving revenue from carbon-absorption forestry projects. According to Ecotopia, “ECCM works closely with Future Forests… Tipper helped form ECCM some months after being appointed to the LULUCF panel.”

* Mark Trexler, a founder of Trexler & Associates, a pioneering firm “poised to make millions of dollars by promoting and monitoring carbon sequestration and other ‘climate mitigation’ projects.”

* Pedro Moura-Costa, an executive of Ecosecurities Ltd., a consulting firm specializing in the “generation of Emission Reduction Credits” from carbon-offseting activities. Ecosecurities has offices in the US, the UK, Brazil, Australia and The Netherlands.

* Gareth Philips of SGS Forestry, a division of the Societe Generale de Surveillance (SGS) of Geneva, the world’s largest inspection, auditing and testing company. SGS Forestry derives revenue from its carbon forestry projects. SGS certifies Costa Rica’s carbon offsets and “hopes to expand its work.”

* Sandra Brown of Winrock International, an Arkansas-based organization which accepts contracts from “public and private” sources. Winrock “provides forest carbon monitoring technical services to U.S. government agencies and a wide range of private sector and non-governmental organizations. “

* Peter Hill of Monsanto Corporation, which has a “large stake in genetically modified organisms, including, potentially, organisms modified to take up or store carbon more efficiently.”…

The World Rainforest Movement investigated these bizarre financial ties and concluded that the IPCC report “must now be shelved due to their clear conflict of interest and a new report instigated which will be free of the taint of intellectual corruption.”

Hmm…

In April 2007 an investigation by the Financial Times of the carbon offsets industry reported:

* Widespread instances of people and organizations buying worthless credits that do not yield any reductions in carbon emissions.

* Industrial companies profiting from doing very little – or from gaining carbon credits on the basis of efficiency gains from which they have already benefited substantially.

* Brokers providing services of questionable or no value.

* A shortage of verification, making it difficult for buyers to assess the true value of carbon credits.

* Companies and individuals being charged over the odds for the private purchase of European Union carbon permits that have plummeted in value because they do not result in emissions cuts.

Algore’s gettin’ rich, a bunch of UN-connected dudes are scamming for all they’re worth (as per-usual) and gettin’ rich, and the UN club-for-dictators announces even scarier booga-booga! NEWS, to drive more sheep into the shearing pen.

As Phil Valentine at the Tennessean notes:

..Global warming is the perfect template for Marxism because it’s the great equalizer. The wealthier a nation, the more CO2 it produces. To atone for its sins, it must pay carbon offsets. In other words, the producing nations pay the non-producing or under-producing nations in cash for the sin of emitting a harmless gas. It’s beautiful.

The global warming movement is a way to not just confiscate money and wealth from the producers, but because of their guilt, they gladly hand it over. If Karl Marx were still alive, he’d be beaming with pride.

Global Geology Goracle Gorming

We are doomed, say climate change scientists associated with the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, the United Nations body that is organizing most of the climate change research occurring in the world today.
Carbon dioxide from man-made sources rises to the atmosphere and then stays there for 50, 100, or even 200 years. This unprecedented buildup of CO2 then traps heat that would otherwise escape our atmosphere, threatening us all.

Bullcrap.

“This is nonsense,” says Tom V. Segalstad, head of the Geological Museum at the University of Oslo and formerly an expert reviewer with the same IPCC. He laments the paucity of geologic knowledge among IPCC scientists — a knowledge that is central to understanding climate change, in his view, since geologic processes ultimately determine the level of atmospheric CO2.

Catastrophic theories of climate change depend on carbon dioxide staying in the atmosphere for long periods of time — otherwise, the CO2 enveloping the globe wouldn’t be dense enough to keep the heat in. Until recently, the world of science was near-unanimous that CO2 couldn’t stay in the atmosphere for more than about five to 10 years because of the oceans’ near-limitless ability to absorb CO2. “This time period has been established by measurements based on natural carbon-14 and also from readings of carbon-14 from nuclear weapons testing, it has been established by radon-222 measurements, it has been established by measurements of the solubility of atmospheric gases in the oceans, it has been established by comparing the isotope mass balance, it has been established through other mechanisms, too, and over many decades, and by many scientists in many disciplines.”

Then, with the advent of IPCC-influenced science, the length of time that carbon stays in the atmosphere became controversial. Climate change scientists began creating carbon cycle models to explain what they thought must be an excess of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. These computer models calculated a long life for carbon dioxide.

In the real world, as measurable by science, CO2 in the atmosphere and in the ocean reach a stable balance when the oceans contain 50 times as much CO2 as the atmosphere. “The IPCC postulates an atmospheric doubling of CO2, meaning that the oceans would need to receive 50 times more CO2 to obtain chemical equilibrium,” explains Prof. Segalstad. “This total of 51 times the present amount of carbon in atmospheric CO2 exceeds the known reserves of fossil carbon – it represents more carbon than exists in all the coal, gas, and oil that we can exploit anywhere in the world.”

Read it.